The Ashes 2017/2018

[BOLLO]

End of play Australia are 549 for 4.The day England lost the The Ashes .

[deerhunter]

5/0 is on the cards. Tell them to come home, not fit for purpose. Roll on Rugby 6 nations

[AndrewBarclay]

End of play Australia are 549 for 4.The day England lost the The Ashes .

How about a bit of optimism forget 549 for 4. and remember Australia are just 146 for 4 with a threat of heavy rain on the horizon (living in hope) so we could draw this test and win the next two.

[paddyboy]

[Malcolm]

Yesss, Englands best batting option (the rain) gets them into the fifth day.

[deerhunter]

It's not optimism we need it's a b.......y cricket team.

[Nighthawke]

[Nighthawke]

How about a bit of optimism forget 549 for 4. and remember Australia are just 146 for 4 with a threat of heavy rain on the horizon (living in hope) so we could draw this test and win the next two.

Still optimistic?!

[AndrewBarclay]

How about a bit of optimism forget 549 for 4. and remember Australia are just 146 for 4 with a threat of heavy rain on the horizon (living in hope) so we could draw this test and win the next two.

Still optimistic?!

I would be a little more optimistic if we had a certain player back in the team, but I Don't want to (Stoke) up to much controversy.

[deerhunter]

So its now 3/0.

We have been outclassed, outbowled and outbatted.

Joe Root on the lunchtime news had the audacity to say that we have not been outclassed. Well I have news for him, we were in a big way. I watched our batting, talk about wafting at thin air, schoolboy mistakes, etc.

These so called professional sportsmen have to realise that they are representing our country and as Michael Vaughan put it are NOT on a jolly boys outing. Is a bar at 2am the correct place to be ?

Whats the betting its a 5/0 ending

[slogen51]

Nothing new I am afraid - Reminder of why the series is called the 'Ashes' in the first place

[AndrewBarclay]

I thought this joke might be appropriate.

A blond was sent on her way to heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

"I'm sorry," St Peter said; " But heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced
to put on an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals".

" That's cool " said the blond, What does the Entrance Exam consist of?" asked the blond.

" Just three questions" said St Peter.

"Which are" asks the blond."

"The first", said St Peter is which two days of the week start with the letter "T"

"The Second is " How many seconds are there in a year?"

"The third is " What is the name of the swag-man in Waltzing Matilda?"

"Now" said St Peter, "Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon
you, I shall expect you to have answers for me."

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought
(I expect you to do the same)

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blond and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied , "I have."
"well then," said St Peter, " Which two days of the week start with the letter T?"

The Blond said, " Today & Tomorrow"

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, decided indeed that answer can be applied to the question.

"Well then can I have the answer to the second of three questions?"

The Blond replied, "Twelve!"

"Only twelve" exclaimed St Peter, " how did you arrive at that figure?"

"Easy said the blonde, " There's the second of January, the second February, right through to the second of
December, giving a total of 12 seconds."

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, " I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a
decision."

And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the blonde.

"I will allow the answer to stand , but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be
allowed into heaven.

Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?

The blonde replied " Of the three questions,I found that this to be the easiest to answer"

"Really" exclaimed St Peter, " And what is the answer?"

"Its Andy"

"Andy"

"Yes Andy" said the blonde

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that way deliberating the answer.

Finally he could not stand the suspense any longer and turning to the blonde, asked " How in god's name did
you arrive at THAT answer?"

" Easy" said the blonde, " Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled,"

And the blonde entered Heaven....

And what's worse... you're singing it to yourself.......

And as the cricket is being televised the Aussie crowd break into "Waltzing Matilda"

[jem60]

Nice one Andrew. I have been telling that one for years on Cruises. I've always been a teller of jokes. When we go Cruising, my wife shudders, because I regale the other table guests with jokes that they have seldom, if ever, heard, whereas my wife, as she forcibly points out, hears them all the time!!!. Keep them coming.

[slogen51]

Ashes to Ashes, Cook's so funky
We know Bayliss is a Flunky
Bowled out before Smith's high
Hitting an all time low.

Apologies to Bowie

Still hoping we can draw this last test - Root and Ali are a due a biggie

[paddyboy]

Mike: as the great Selwyn Froggett would say;' You've got more chance of knittin' fog'

[reheat module]

I believe they should all have to pay their own air fare home, then be paraded around Lords in public, in disgrace.
Yet another team of English, over-ambitious under-achievers.
RM Opines.

Over-ambitious under-achievers, really? Do your homework mate

Currently ranked 3 in the world in Tests. 4th in the world for ODI & T/20

T/20 World Cup Winners in 2010, runners up in 2016
Ashes winners in 2005, 2009, 2010/11, 2013 & 2015.

Oh & Jimmy Anderson is ranked No 1

I'd stick to rugby if I were you.

Why do they not play according to their ranking?
Winners in 2010 and Runners Up in 2016, and in between...?
2005, 2009, 2010/2011, 2013 ... different players! different teams!
See what Opines means...
The one thing you are correct on - Rugby is much better to concentrate on.
RM continues to opine
mate

Well, out of courtesy, I have kept quiet, but maintained a very wary eye on all the matches and this thread.
We have no match for spin, we have no match for pace and we have no match in batting calibre.
4-0 down on wins and a draw courtesy of weather assistance.
To say we are No3 must do serious injustice to countries below us.
I'm now indeed looking forward to the 6-Nations, maybe not dominance, but we should save embarrassment.
After that, there's always the Americas Cup - we could buy a cabinet for that perhaps?
RM Opines

[paddyboy]

Well said, RM

[deerhunter]

Agreed RM roll on 6 nations

[Malcolm]

IMHO (here comes a rant)

The problem is 20-20 cricket, and the "White Ball and pyjamas" game in general. The current generation of "Test Match" players have all been brought up on the one day and 20-20 game where there is a very limited amount of time to get out in the middle and swing the bat at anything within arms reach and score as many runs in as short a time as possible. It's basically turning into American Rules Rounders - err a form of Baseball. Similarly the bowlers have to serve up a mediocre mix of slow and wide in an attempt to get the batsmen snick something to the keeper or lob something up to long on so they can be caught out.

You can't lose a test match if you have two or more batsmen who are prepared to stand out in the middle, pick their shots, refuse to play at anything outside leg or off stump, and stand there all day for a score of 20 not out. That is what test match cricket should be a test of skill, concentration and determination between batsman and the bowler. It's the difference between chess and twister. Gatting, Gooch, Boycott were all masters of it. Once the bowlers had done 80 overs in a day in 40C+ heat they'll be knackered and start lobbing up all sorts of filth that can be smashed (along the ground!) for 4 runs. And that's what the Ozzie captain Smith did - well played sir (said through gritted teeth).

You do need good bowlers to actually stand a chance of winning a test though. Again the lack of discipline (and speed) in our attack meant the Aussies could help themselves to runs. Their 3 fast bowlers were way ahead of ours in just about all departments. The pitches were flat and true, and never really showed any signs of taking spin. The ball needed to be kept on middle and off for at least 5 balls an over, with the occasional Yorker, Bouncer or Beemer thrown into the mix. Their strike bowlers were 10MPH faster than ours, and our batsmen (with very few exceptions) just haven't got the skills to deal with that speed.

[johnhowe]

Its too much England have just won a limited overs match I feel faintttt.